Harvey Weinstein

This guy is a big mouth, a me-first manipulator … a visionary and a liar. He is needy but behaves as though he needs no one, thinking instead that everyone needs him. His sexuality is based in aggression, in service to his ego. He is cold-hearted and angry, and may erupt at any moment especially when he is unable to control everything around him.

This is a life drenched in karma. With his brother, he built a business … named for their parents. He enabled the creation of great art, and was revered in public. In private, there are dark and dirty layers, Caligula spaces where others were dragged to mar and soil, all in good fun.

Last October, Mars and Venus joined forces, the Moon was full and Saturn crossed into his power house. His base cracked at its core. A tidal wave of accusations, too grand to ignore or be crammed back into darkness, crashed forward to tear down his fortune, his family and every other connection in his self-made world.

Will this period continue to carry his brand? Will this phase of workplace upheaval be remembered as The Weinstein Era? Will he run away or land in jail? Pluto’s march through Capricorn has another decade to go. Stand by.

The Burned Flesh of Dead Animals

We went to Bertucci's on Beacon Street on our first date. I mentioned how much I loved their veal marsala. Her lovely blues eyes rolled. Her lips scrunched. She took a breath and then told me the real story about veal. I ordered the Fettuccine Alfredo with a side of sauteed broccoli.

I have a friend who hasn't eaten meat for half a century. He does enjoy fish, and getting stoned, and walking his dog, and also carries about 40-50 pounds of excess girth. His approach is simple, "I don't eat anything I can pet."

My current partner says that she grew up eating what her father declared were only the best cuts of beef. Left-handed and naturally athletic, she swam competitively, was a cheerleader and played first base with a right-handed mitt. But then she hooked up with a macro-biotic herbivore. Today she'll eat a fish and enjoys my roast chicken. She rarely spoke with her father over the last ten years of his life.

Me? I'll eat almost anything. I really shouldn't say that considering the organs and critters gleefully devoured by Anthony Bourdain, and other gastronauts on TV. I admire Mr. Bourdain, his wise-ass persona, cultural insights and his "I don't give a crap what you think" approach. I'm just not interested in asking my digestive track to deal with the glands and mystery parts of another mammal.

My choice to enjoy the burned flesh of dead animals floats up from my choice to believe in reincarnation. This life in this body is temporary. There have been and will be others. Other times, other places, other life forms, families and species. This time around I have enjoyed a steak, steamed crabs, roast turkey, escargot, chicken sausage, lamb chops, and a Cuban sandwich. I am not a hunter although I have killed spiders, and trapped mice. I have loved dogs and cats. I have also been bitten by a small dog and infested with body lice. I feel connected to all God’s creatures. We share this space. We share resources, breathe the same air, and eat each other.

And then there's evolution. Change happens, sometimes on its own, and occasionally as a result of the choices we make. At some point, most of us have chosen alternatives to cannibalism. As our sensibilities evolve, we can see beyond the cave, the clan, the tribe. True, we get stuck every so often on race, religion and politics. But we all eat, and we pretty much eat stuff that at some point was alive. We don't, like seahorses, eat our young. We don't eat our pets, although some do raise, adore and eat their chickens or pigs. We grow, hunt, harvest and eat living things because that's how life is sustained. There is no life in sand, rocks or metals. Trust me, if there was, we would eat that stuff too.

Trying

What a day, a sunny Sunday. Clear bright sky, 72 degrees. So tomorrow things change. There's concern, a kind of worry with a smirk. Will I sleep tonite? Will I sleep at my desk? What about food? What about all the new people? But mostly what about my brain, my ability to learn, to focus, to understand this new mess. Brett called it a mess. I've created a new empty directory, "SST" and a sub-directory "Compliance." I need to unload or push aside the moodle stuff. I can't really say there's anything there. Most of what I learn these days doesn't really stick. I've got teflon where I need velcro. It's always been that way. I couldn't remember the formulas I needed to succeed in college. I have trouble remembering stuff I read. Lately, I tried saluting my poor memory as one of my best features. I am a designer of information systems. They work because my memory doesn't. I'm more concerned about my mistakes. I used to think that spontaneity was a good thing. It probably is a good thing to trust your gut, but my first impressions are almost always wrong. I react to information without taking the time needed to really get the message. I seem to be working with a slow processor. There are also way too many sub-routines running, clouding my ability to perceive clearly, and now Ellen has introduced a new condition - Brain Fog. I've been fogging up my nervous system forever. I used to think that drugs would set me free. That didn't work for me and yet my best hours of the day are four to nine. Crack a bottle of wine or pour a vodka, chop some onions and garlic, sizzle some fish or bake a chicken. It's all good. Flip on msnbc, enjoy the meal, pour another glass, pass out in the chair. Wake up, gobble a few FRS and head to the pool. What the hell am I going to do now! Dinner in town, walk across the Common, sober up and go to the gym?

I wish Jane was here. Her image of me is so much better than mine. I miss her face, her skin, her sneezes, chuckles, and other noises. But Jane is not here. She is in love where she is. Her Ginger with Baby. Her Jesse with Devin. They are lucky to have her and I am the loser in that equation because she cannot be here and there. She has made her choice. Nothing beats knowing who you are and knowing what you want. When Jane is with Devin she is full. As she waits and watches Ginger as she blooms, Jane blooms as well. And I love her.

Very

It is clear that I am at my best alone. Caring way too much about what others are thinking, how they are judging me is my broken bone. It's a bone in my brain. A basic mechanism of my conscious life that I have wished away, fought, tried to squash, with absolutely no success though out my life. At some point I looked to drugs, meditation, therapy. Nothing works. It doesn't seem to matter. A random driver, some guy in the pool or the shower, a girl friend or child, a co-worker, a boss, a waiter. They get my attention. I shake my head. It's so stupid. Such a waste. I have labeled it a weakness. I have given it a name - Libran Disease. When it strikes I shake my head. Who gives a shit about the guy across the street. Why to care so, even for that instance it strikes. It hits my spine, my gut, my tongue. How silly and stupid. The only solution is solitude. There I can do and be whatever. I can't write whatever because the real stuff going through my mind, if written and then read would hurt - not me but someone close to me. The shit that flows through the mind reflects little. My mind is an open channel like a scanner on a radio receiving messages without value. Here's this, then that. Random fantasies of sex, of power, of achievement, of whimsy. My choices are perhaps more important. But not so much when driven by fear, the fear of the reactions of others. I've written this kind of crap before but now things are different. I am older. My parents are gone. How much more time there is to wait, to hope or pray when I know in my heart there is no cataclysmic occurrence around the corner that will make it stop, that will unleash me from these foolish concerns.

I go for a walk. I cut vegetables. I clean a chicken. I open a bottle. I suck in the aroma. It's three in the afternoon - cooking time, three to five. It high time, peaceful time. Jane will arrive in the next hour. The couscous waits. I'll slice the tomato and the avocado. I'll boil the water. She will walk in, smiling, relieved, happy to be home, happy to see me, ready to eat. These 3-6pm slices of life are done. These hours in an office will soon be a struggle to stay awake, to stay with it, to answer some random emails or sit through another meeting. I'll be drifting back to cooking time. To the late afternoon hours with a glass of wine, an olive, a slice of gruyere.

Exercise Compassion

This meditation will stretch your heart.

Many people pray for world peace, but are also annoyed with someone at work. Many have empathy for victims of a flood or hurricane, but can’t get along with their neighbors. Many are professional caregivers, social workers, or nurses, and at the same time are angry with politicians or can’t stand their in-laws.

Most of us carry the disappointments, resentment, and anger tied to the people we blame for our difficulties and struggles. Here’s a simple way to soothe, stretch and lighten that load.

Create a quiet space for yourself – a five-minute window – and try this simple exercise.

Think of someone you love, unconditionally without a shred of doubt. This person might be a partner, a family member – child or parent, someone close and dear to you. As you imagine that person, see their face or sense their presence, look inside and be aware of the feeling of love in your gut, around your heart or wherever that feeling is strong. Breathe into that space and say these words with each breath:
o May “your person’s name” be happy.
o May “your person’s name” be peaceful.
o May “your person’s name” be free from all suffering.
Repeat three times and enjoy the experience.

Next, think about someone you like. You have good feelings about this person although they are not as close to you as the loved one. This could be a co-worker, a teacher, a person at church or maybe the friendly clerk at the corner store. As you imagine this person, notice the shift in the body sensation. It is clearly not the same feeling for the person you love without condition. There is no need to name this different sensation – just notice the shift. Now breathe into that space and say these words with each breath:
o May “your person’s name” be happy.
o May “your person’s name” be peaceful.
o May “your person’s name” be free from all suffering.
Repeat three times and enjoy the experience.

Now think about someone who is now or who was in the past, a problem for you. This could be someone in your office who got a position you wanted, your brother in-law who owes you money, or a former lover who is now dating your roommate. Notice the shift in your emotion. Where there was love and warmth, now there is pain, tension or sadness. It may seem that the peace, quiet and calm that was there a moment ago has now been shattered, replaced by the noise and stress of negative feelings. Is it possible that the peace and calm are still there, hiding beneath the anger and negativity? Can you remember that this person is also a fellow human being, who is also struggling, needy or hurting? See what happens when you again breathe into that space and say these words:
o May “your person’s name” be happy.
o May “your person’s name” be peaceful.
o May “your person’s name” be free from all suffering.
Repeat three times and consider this as a small act of forgiveness.

Also consider this … if this person was happy, peaceful and free, they might be less likely to behave in an inconsiderate or selfish or hurtful manner in the future. Here’s another way to think about those you blame or hate.

Our former vice-president, Dick Cheney, is perhaps the ultimate symbol of a man driven by a lust for power, fearful of everything that is not under his control, with an unchecked willingness to use others for personal gain, without regard for their well being. Cheney is not happy, peaceful or free. It is probably easier today to pray for Cheney to receive the punishment he deserves than to exercise compassion. Try it anyway (perhaps with an asterisk):
o May Dick Cheney be happy *.
o May Dick Cheney be peaceful *.
o May Dick Cheney be free from all suffering *.

* While serving his sentence for war crimes and other transgressions against the Constitution of the United States.

There are two remaining steps in this exercise: one abstract and one very personal.
Imagine all people, all creatures, all living things, big and small. Consider the interdependencies of all the many life forms, which share the planet and its resources. I suppose if your beliefs allow it, your thoughts might extend beyond this planet, to the universe – that’s up to you. Try to let go of global politics, religious barriers, your feelings about out-sourcing, or your memory of a rude waiter you encountered at a restaurant while vacationing in France. Keep it simple, breathe deeply and say these words:
o May all beings be happy.
o May all beings be peaceful.
o May all beings be free from all suffering.
Repeat three times and notice what comes up for you as you consider a planet at peace.

The last step needs little explanation. We have all heard at some time, that it is difficult to love others if you do not love yourself. In this step, take a moment to relax the mechanisms of introspection and self-analysis. Consider that at the root of your being, there is quiet, there is warmth, there is the energy of you. As you come in touch with that place, at the center of your being, breathe deeply and say these words:
o May I be happy.
o May I be peaceful.
o May I be free from all suffering.
Repeat three times, or three hundred times. It’s up to you.

I did not make up this process. About thirty years ago, I first learned about and practiced Insight Meditation. I attended several classes in the Boston area, and two 10-day retreats at the Center in Barre, Massachusetts. The exercise described in this article is a variation of a practice called metta, which I learned then and carry with me today.

Wozniak Checklist

...how to become a genius. His advice was straightforward yet strangely terrible: You must clarify your goals, gain knowledge through spaced repetition, preserve health, work steadily, minimize stress, refuse interruption, and never resist sleep when tired.

More about shoes

Here are the basic guidelines:

1. Tie your own shoe laces.
Take responsibility for those things you can and do control.

2. Save drowning people.
Jump in and provide help when certain that someone is in danger.

3. Engage in a little free labor every now and then.
Once in awhile, participate without first asking "what's in it for me."

I did not make this up altho I cannot remember where I read it.
Perhaps Thoreau. Maybe Emerson. Please let me know if you know.

thanx